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muting the words “love” “friends” “friendship” the phrase “a good friend”

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she changed her instance’s character limit so she could use more words to break up with me ;’((((

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i got rich off of hgtv sucking my dick about my cool lawn and now i leave comments all over instagram like im something big

@JohnBrownJr "I played Lex Luthor", he says, in a sexy way

Jesse Eisenberg trying to convince you to fuck him instead of Michael Cera because he's more of a "bad boy"

@breakfastgolem @healyn cannot wait to see super child safety shampoo bottles in the stores

@SanfordianPhil @breakfastgolem here at Pantene, we encourage consumers to drink as much Pantene as possible. it keeps the intestinal tract silky and smooth. thank you for your inquiry Phil

@breakfastgolem Pantene Pro-V's secret formula takes care of all of that. The 'V' stands for "vitamin" or some shit, whatever just buy it ok?

i know people hate "corporate" accounts around here, but i just signed an endorsement deal with Pantene because they view me as an #influencer

“its okay to be forgotten!” office motivational poster with an out of focus withering tree on it

Reaching up into my snatch and pulling out a hot dog for my bank holiday barbecue

hi folks! I've been talking about it for a while but I think we've finally decided to go ahead and do it. my friend @LordReginold and I are going to be starting our literature podcast with John Kennedy Toole's A Confederacy of Dunces. The first ep should be out by next week, feel free to read along!

time is the breasts of a pregnant woman, and we are the milk

feel like we don't freak out enough about how mitochondria have their own DNA

@jzs42069

ive come around on pesci. i want nothing more but for him to feel thr ground under his feet again

@jzs42069 rocket man plays endlessly as he drifts in space, far from home, never given the sweet release of death.

muting the words “love” “friends” “friendship” the phrase “a good friend”

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Church of the Nutt Godd

The church of the Nutt Godd.